Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Convincing your Lawyer to Expose the Alienating Parent

Consistently, when the Family Court gets in right in parental alienation cases, it is due to the fact that the alienating parent is exposed as being who they really are - the alienating parent - as opposed to how they try (and often succeed) to present themselves, as being the victim of the other parent's wrath. Prior to this "light bulb" going on for the Court, the lion's share of the focus is typically on the falsely accused targeted parent, who has very often spent all of their energy and resources of defending them self against things that they never did. Very often, when it is suggested that litigation strategy be focused on exposing the alienating parent's actual behavior as opposed to only defending the targeted parent, the attorney will be resistant to this, arguing that they want their client - the targeted parent - to be perceived as the "reasonable one" and that to go after the alienating parent would damage this "reasonable" image. In cases where parental alienation is not present, I could not agree more. However, when it is present, the goal of exposing the alienating parent for who they really are, is the only strategy that will ultimately result in success. Take for example the case of Dwayne Wade, the NBA basketball star. He had been accused of every kind of abuse and misjudgment imaginable. The case, however turned on a dime when the mother of their two little boys was exposed as being an obsessive alienating parent. In that particular case, Mr. Wade's lawyer, Jim Pritikin had Mrs. Wade on the stand testifying for over eight days in a row! This is unheard of, however the correctly reasoned strategy was that she would be unable to maintain her image as the concerned mother, for such a long period of time testifying on the stand. In discussing and creating this strategy, we reasoned that she would be unable to contain herself if she was asked open ended questions, which ended up being the case. When one keeps in mind that cross examination questions are allowed to be leading and directive (as opposed to direct examination), such a strategy is legally counterintuitive. It may have been counterintuitive, but it worked. The Judge could clearly see that she was consumed with anger and hatred for the children's father, that she was capable and willing to accuse him of things that he did not do, and that she was willing to draw their minor children into this campaign. I believe that this insight and the courts consequent ruling for the boys to live with their father, was only due to the fact that she was successfully exposed as being the alienating parent via her own testimony. Again,the purpose of all of this this was to make sure the court had a clear understanding of who she is and has been. Very often, the identity of each parent is the result of a careful presentation to the court, so that the Judge has a certain specific reaction to that parent. In the case of alienating parents, they need to be exposed! They are the one's who have much to hide, and if the litigation strategy does not seek to "smoke them out", it is my view that the case has little chance of success. The attorney must often be convinced that this is a viable and useful strategy, but this is the only strategy I have seen work.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

I concur 100%. I read an article about PAS that often when the alienating parent is exposed it often stops or diminishes greatly, I often wondered if this was true or not? I do know in my own experience where my husband has been completely alienated from his children that after posting articles on PAS publicly on his Facebook for all to read she sent him a card at Christmas telling him that "she knew HE knew PAS was NOT an issue. We laughed as it's completely obvious and since she is blocked from his FB we knew it had gotten back to her. It was a little bit of proof it was working, he was getting his side out there. While her words say one thing as often the case her actions say otherwise. ONE wk prior to a court date in which we were to appear (she filed the suit) after a yr of complete SILENCE from his children despite his letters, cards etc...he received a card. Each of his 2 kids only wrote about 2 lines each and simply signed their names. But it showed she KNEW it was going to be brought up that she has alienated the kids from him. Since the case is still pending they continue to write to their father but it remains very short, infrequent and impersonal. The kids were also alienating my husbands mother and since his ex became aware of PAS and that we were on too what was going on, the kids reach out to their grandmother. It gives irrefutable proof that she not only knows what she is doing but how well strategized the PAS really is and it shows that she has some fear of being exposed. ANYONE who knows my husband knows that he is NOT an abusive man. He doesn't have a mean bone in his body. He's naive, polite, loving and kind almost to a fault!!! He always knew something was wrong but thought it was HIM. When we heard PAS and read up on it we were stunned. His divorce papers also drawn out by her read like a PAS manual, it's sickening to read. I feel horrible my husband signed them and even his new atty was shocked he signed them and advised my husband that his atty was not looking out for his best interest or he would have not allowed any client to sign such garbage. But it just showed how willing he was to take the blame even though he didn't know for what. The therapist we have been seeing for a LONG while agrees PAS is going on and to an extreme. Our hope is that by exposing her it turns the tables even if just a little. It has shown already with her that exposing it has made her stop and think about what she's doing. He has since moved 700 miles away and she uses that as why the kids want nothing to do with him but it still leaves her with explaining why before he moved it was going on then. Prior to moving my husband said my kids have ignored me for yrs. I lived with them and was alienated, I lived down the road and was alienated, why can't I move, find some peace and happiness and be alienated. It's absurd when a parent feels these are his choices. I believe exposing the alienating parent anyway you can WORKS.

PAS Intervention said...

Michael:
I could not agree more. Another way to smoke out the alienator is with court ordered specialized counseling for everyone. This counseling is to include a monthly progress report by the counselor to the judge as to how things are going. If a parent refuses to comply, or work to make progress in counseling, then penalties are enacted to encourage them to do so. Penalties such as community service, monetary fines, weekend jail, supervised visitation or worst case scenario, loss of custody. An alienator will often refuse to cooperate with a counseling order especially if the counselor assigned is wise to PAS. This will be a huge red flag. And if this parent can be helped to move forward in a positive way, past their grief and anger and impulse control issues, then we might just have saved the family. If this parent refuses, then the courts will have further evidence for removal of the children from this parent.

Hillary said...

This and other cases are without a doubt, some of the most damaging to children. They start to believe the parent they are 'given' to by the courts. In so many cases, the target parent is treated by so many, as a criminal. REALLY, who thinks this isn't a crime. Where do people go in Florida when they are the targeted parent? How is the Targeted parent going to get what they deserve, and how is the alienating parent going to have to pay back for the pain they are causing not only the targeted parent, but the children they are abusing???? This is abuse.'

Hillary said...

This and other cases are without a doubt, some of the most damaging to children. They start to believe the parent they are 'given' to by the courts. In so many cases, the target parent is treated by so many, as a criminal. REALLY, who thinks this isn't a crime. Where do people go in Florida when they are the targeted parent? How is the Targeted parent going to get what they deserve, and how is the alienating parent going to have to pay back for the pain they are causing not only the targeted parent, but the children they are abusing???? This is abuse.'

Anonymous said...

This and other cases are without a doubt, some of the most damaging to children. They start to believe the parent they are 'given' to by the courts. In so many cases, the target parent is treated by so many, as a criminal. REALLY, who thinks this isn't a crime. Where do people go in Florida when they are the targeted parent? How is the Targeted parent going to get what they deserve, and how is the alienating parent going to have to pay back for the pain they are causing not only the targeted parent, but the children they are abusing???? This is abuse.'

Anonymous said...

This and other cases are without a doubt, some of the most damaging to children. They start to believe the parent they are 'given' to by the courts. In so many cases, the target parent is treated by so many, as a criminal. REALLY, who thinks this isn't a crime. Where do people go in Florida when they are the targeted parent? How is the Targeted parent going to get what they deserve, and how is the alienating parent going to have to pay back for the pain they are causing not only the targeted parent, but the children they are abusing???? This is abuse.'

Anonymous said...

This and other cases are without a doubt, some of the most damaging to children. They start to believe the parent they are 'given' to by the courts. In so many cases, the target parent is treated by so many, as a criminal. REALLY, who thinks this isn't a crime. Where do people go in Florida when they are the targeted parent? How is the Targeted parent going to get what they deserve, and how is the alienating parent going to have to pay back for the pain they are causing not only the targeted parent, but the children they are abusing???? This is abuse.'