As you may already know, a big focus of my work within the last few years has been that of education. I have found that most parents learn of the minefields and trip wires of parental alienation only after they have been stumbled upon and have exploded. For example, an "explosion" might be when a parent learns that the truth will not automatically "come out" in their case, and that how it is presented is critically important. An explosion may be when a parent learns that the court's schedule is treated with more importance than the case it is supposed to hear. Another such explosion may be when a parent learns that it does not really matter if the false allegation about them is never proven, but that the Judge only has to believe it, in order to prevent them from seeing their children. These explosions, or miscarriages are typically met with a sense of shock and surprise, even from your own lawyer, because it is not "supposed" to work that way. But as any "seasoned" targeted parent will tell you, these explosions are more often the rule than the exception in cases where parental alienation is present. But again, these horrible lessons are typically learned only after the damage is done.
I want to change that. My goal is to educate those parents who find themselves in these situations by giving them specific tools and ways of thinking about the "system" that forearms them, and gives them them a far better chance of hatching a more reasonable and happy outcome for themselves and their family. It is within this spirit that I wish to draw attention to the various audio courses and informational papers found on my associated website, www.jmichaelbone.com. Click here While a good amount of this information is offered without charge, some items are for purchase. The courses and papers for purchase have been specifically created with the above goals in mind, such that the only way that I can devote the time necessary for their creation is to charge for them.
Finally, as with any information that is found on my website or its related links, I earnestly invite your feedback and suggestions. It is only through your experience - tragic as it may be at times - that any of this has any meaning at all.
Thank You,
J Michael Bone, PhD
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
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Dr. Bone, I want to thank you for your work and educational efforts. I agree, “that most parents learn of the minefields and trip wires of parental alienation only after they have been stumbled upon and have exploded.” I was reminded of this as I read an article today that talked about the target parent’s “knee-jerk reaction.” The article pointed out that a rejected parent may be “easily offended and ironically react like their alienated child, with aggressive and disrespectful behavior” (Fidler & Bala, 2010). Parents need help on learning to respond to such hatred from their children.
What I hope is that your efforts also continue to extend to professionals. Many years ago, when I sought assistance, I reported to the "expert" years of dealing with a difficult ex and the emotional toll this was taking on my children (yes, I was exhausted too). The advice was to “let go of the rope.” This particular professional viewed the situation, as hopeless. Thankfully, I did not let go of the rope. A couple of other attempts, I was told “PA is not real” “it is just a theory” or “have you tried talking with you ex-spouse to get to the bottom of his anger?” (Assuming I had not done so). Luckily, I did not become alienated and in my situation, the issue resolved itself by the child becoming an adult. More accurately, the badmouthing continues on, but I am not alienated. As a caveat, I am in the minority. As just one example, Dr. Amy Baker’s findings show otherwise. Parental Alienation does not always end when the child turns 18.
Why though, are so many professionals perplexed by parental alienation? It seems that one parent is not happy about the divorce. Consequently, "the cannot get over it parent" seeks revenge (in court or out of court) at his or her ex-spouse. The revenge seeking is taking what hurts the parent the most: love, the love of a child. Also, I wonder why so many are seeking for causation? There are two sides to “divorce stories”. But, with parental alienation I do not believe both parents are the cause. I agree with Dr. Warshak that if there is not a parent doing the brainwashing, there will be no parental alienation. If the target parent is contributing, it appears that it is due to not knowing exactly how to respond to a child’s new found hatred in conjunction with a system that does not believe what you tell them to be true.
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