It is important to understand and recall that Parental Alienation is a form of child abuse. The manipulation of one’s children to the belief that their other parent does not love them, is the cruelest form of child abuse. Since it is the parent child- relationship that orients a child’s understanding of their own sense of self and their lovability, teaching a child that one of their parents does not love them, also teaches them that they are in some basic way, unlovable, or not worthy of love. While alienated children typically describe hatred or fear of the alienated parent, gently probing into the nuances of these negative feelings, virtually always reveals that these children believe that the Alienated Parent is self centered, not interested in their wellbeing, and unloving. They are taught, and come to believe that they are not loved by that parent. This is absolutely child abuse in its most pure form. Parental Alienation is child abuse.
Given this, it should not be surprising to realize that parents who perpetrate this form abuse, are also prone to other form of abuse. The literature clearly indicates that those prone to domestic violence, are prone to multiple forms of domestic violence. As we see an increased tendency for truly abusive parents to misuse the diagnosis of PA and PAS to explain why their children may not be close to them, or may be reticent to visit with them after marital separation, it perhaps should not be surprising to then see that when these parents are successful in mis-portraying the other parent as being an Alienating Parent, that they themselves then tend to become the true Alienating Parent. Adults prone to domestic violence, tend to be prone to multiple expressions of abuse. Once these abusive parents have their children more in their control that they ever had before, these children become extremely vulnerable to becoming quickly alienated from the parent whom they used to look to for protection. Under this scenario, these children often become severely alienated, and very quickly. As noted earlier on this blog, I believe that this is an ever increasing phenomenon.
Saturday, February 9, 2008
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4 comments:
As the targeted parent, who survived the emotional and verbal abuse that led to the demise of the marriage, I can say without a doubt that parental alienation is not only child abuse it is also still spousal abuse...a more intense form of abuse than I ever had to endure during the marriage.
if you talk, the kids say, there she is the broken record, even in the cases police did not react to in time, then if there was abuse o0f criminal nature, only th charge can lay it... and of course the abuser revictimizes you. they cannot feel our pain nor do we want them to feel our pain. i love what someone said, do not try to make sense of insanity, try to find the high road... a child with no compassion fell close to the tree. so goes for th memory of how close you once were, i am tired of spitting against the wind.
Bruce Shollenberger
PA is an amazing phenomenon which is certainly worth many years of research. A "loving" parent who alienates a child from a parent for no other reason than to inflict pain on the targeted parent, is a sick parent. Unfortunately, no one can win and the children always lose.
I have found the court system to be a hopeless venue in deciding right from wrong. It is the lawyer who paints the best picture to the judge. It is about money, money, money. We live in a sick society which fosters courtroom drama at the expense of children's hopes and dreams.
I strongly feel the wrath of greed in the absence of love, understanding, and compassion.
The most form of abusre to a child is alienating them from the loving arms of their mother. I'm not saying that fathers don't have the love mothers do but that bond of mother and child is the strongest and to take that away from the child you have done harm to the child for the rest of that childs life. I live it everyday. I have lived with my son for a year and i don't know how to treat him like a man because he's the little boy i lost long ago. My son is totally destroyed beyond belief.
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